Some relationships myths will destroy you – here’s why.
We’ve all heard them.
Relationship advice that’s supposed to “help” you.
It tells us what to believe about relationships, how to make relationships “work”, and what you can and can’t expect from a significant other.
Some are based on wise truths.
But most are overly simplified opinions that should never have been normalized in the first place.
The following relationship myths are particularly harmful because they’re a big reason why people STAY in toxic, abusive, and narcissistic relationships.
After all… if “all relationships are hard work” then maybe the solution is trying more, being better, and lowering your expectations.
(See how destructive that can be when you’re with a narcissist?)
Here are some of the most common (and damaging) relationship myths:
1. All relationships have their ups and downs.
Life isn’t always smooth sailing. But overall, relationships should be a place of safety and support – a place where you can turn to when life gets tough. Not a place of confusion, turmoil, and chaos with a few “good days” mixed in.
2. You can’t expect them to be perfect.
Expecting someone to consistently treat you with kindness, respect, and compassion isn’t the same thing as expecting them to be “perfect”. We should all have standards about how we should be treated.
3. Marriage is hard work.
Becoming a neuroscientist is hard work. Training for a marathon is hard work. Marriage where both people want to love, support, and care for each other is NOT hard work – it’s easy.
4. Love means you never give up.
Love has boundaries. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is walk away from someone who’s harming you. If you truly love someone, then you DON’T enable them. Toxic enabling is for you – not them.
5. It takes two people to make a relationship work.
True – but it only takes ONE toxic person to destroy it (no matter what you do or how hard you try).
6. The bad times make the good times better.
What’s really the implication here? That if we can push through the bad days to have a few good days, then maybe we can convince ourselves that the abuse was “worth it”? THIS is the foundation of a trauma bond. It’s not true or healthy!
Which relationship myth do you think is the most damaging? Would you add any more to the list?
If you’re looking to heal from narcissistic abuse or relationship trauma, I can help! I specialize in helping people heal from toxic, dysfunctional, or harmful relationships. Read more about my specialties and approach to the counseling process or book a free consult call today!