Narcissists are incredibly egocentric.
Meaning they believe everything is FOR, AGAINST, or ABOUT them.
This is KEY to understanding why you feel GUILTY so often in narcissistic relationships.
For example, if you grew up in a narcissistic household, you didn’t learn to think or feel for yourself.
You weren’t taught to self-reflect or consider how you feel or what you need.
You were conditioned to think or feel based on what the narcissistic parent wanted or needed.
And if you made a “wrong” choice (i.e., did something the narcissist didn’t like) –
Then you were “punished” – told you were “bad” or “wrong” – and made to feel GUILTY.
Not because you actually did something wrong.
But because your narcissistic parent made YOUR actions and feelings about THEM.
So in a way, you weren’t ALLOWED to have your own emotions. Or if you did, you were viewed as being “defiant, difficult, or selfish”.
In the same way, if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they make everything you say or do about THEM.
Which is why you become REALLY disconnected from what you even need, want, or feel anymore.
Because narcissists GUILT you for being “inconsiderate, overly sensitive, rude, or controlling” for thinking or feeling for yourself.
There’s no room in a narcissistic relationship for your needs and theirs.
And their needs will ALWAYS take priority over yours.
Which is how you come to feel and believe that even having your own needs is “selfish”.
Have you noticed how egocentric narcissists can be?
If you’re looking to heal from narcissistic abuse or relationship trauma, I can help! I specialize in helping people heal from toxic, dysfunctional, or harmful relationships. I recommend starting here and getting my free bimonthly newsletter. Or contact me today about working together via therapy or coaching.