Love has boundaries – unhealthy attachments do not.
Here’s what I mean:
When you love someone, you still have a separate sense of “self”.
You know and feel where YOUR thoughts and emotions end and where your partner’s begins.
You feel safe within the relationship, knowing that your needs will be respected.
You don’t feel like you have to change who you are to make the relationship work.
Love allows you to “agree to disagree”.
Love feels calm, safe, and secure.
On the other hand…
Unhealthy attachments make you feel like you can’t live without each other. Like you have an “unexplainable, intense or magical” connection.
Like if you ever let them go, you would lose part of yourself.
Unhealthy attachments often feel familiar (particularly if you grew up in a chaotic, traumatic, or unpredictable household) – but not necessarily in a good way.
It’s a feeling like “you’d rather deal with the devil you know” because you’re not really even sure that an anxious-free relationship exists.
And if this is where you are – I get it! I was there too for a long time. But here’s what I know now:
If you can’t quickly and confidently say that your relationship is founded on mutual respect, admiration, and cooperation – something’s wrong.
Because healthy relationships DO exist.
But we often miss them because we’re too busy trying to fix the broken ones or believing that we don’t deserve anything better.
Don’t let healthy relationships pass you by just because you haven’t experienced them yet!
You can start a path toward making healthy attachments, today. It all starts with a willingness to believe that something different is possible.
If you’re looking to heal from narcissistic abuse or relationship trauma, I can help! I specialize in helping people heal from toxic, dysfunctional, or harmful relationships. Read more about my specialties and approach to the counseling process or book a free consult call today!