There are two huge ways you can start to put the puzzle pieces together to determine if your partner is a narcissist:
>Your partner’s behavioral patterns
>Your own emotions and reactions
You can’t judge if someone is a narcissist based on ONE interaction, reaction, or situation.
It takes time to witness someone’s consistent reactions & behavioral and emotional patterns.
So here are the patterns to look for that suggest your partner might be a narcissist:
>They’re very hypocritical
>They’re highly sensitive to or defensive about any feedback
>They lie, cover up, or twist the truth
>They criticize your hobbies, interests, or anything about you
>You see them treating other people (like friends, co-workers, family members) much better than they treat you
>They seem to ‘zone out’ when you share about yourself
>They aren’t interested in hearing about your feelings
>They blame all of the relationship problems on you
On the other side, here are emotions or changes YOU would be experiencing in response to the narcissist’s behaviors:
>You consistently feel foggy, confused or guilty
>Conversations often go “off track” and by the end of it, you can’t even remember what your original point or issue was
>You don’t feel seen, heard, or validated
>You question yourself A LOT (e.g., did I say that? am I just misremembering? Did that even happen? Am I going crazy?)
>You know something about the relationship is “off”, but you just can’t quite figure out what it is
>You have to write down conversations to make sure you’re remembering correctly because your partner says “that didn’t happen” so frequently
>You’re always trying to figure out how to make your partner “happy” or “satisfied”
>You never feel like you’re good enough
If you’re experiencing these changes in yourself, or you’ve noticed a pattern of manipulative behaviors in your partner, it’s so important to talk to someone who really understands what you’re dealing with.
If you’d like to get clarity about your relationship or make sense of what you’re experiencing, let’s talk!
Chelsey Brooke Cole is a psychotherapist, best-selling author, speaker, and coach specializing in narcissistic abuse and relational trauma. Praised as "Enlightening and Empowering" Chelsey's new book, If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth is available wherever books are sold.
